At this stage of our recovery process, we are having to face the not-so-pleasant facts of assessing exactly where we are, and who (and what) have contributed to our being blocked as artists and creatives.
Yes, this is tough stuff, especially when we may recognize that some of the people who put our dreams at greatest risk are people with whom we are intimately connected. Let’s gently continue to clarify who the crazymakers in our lives might be. Knowing what we’re dealing with is more than half the battle.
Crazymakers spend your time and money. Julia writes, “If they borrow your car, they return it with an empty tank. Their travel arrangements always cost you time or money.” They’re the ones that demand you drop whatever you’re doing and pick them up at the airport because they don’t have, or care to spend taxi money.
Crazymakers triangulate those they deal with. Hoo, boy do I know this one. I have several world-class crazymakers in my family, and they are all champions at this. These are the energy vampires that some of you mentioned earlier this week. They love to pit people against each other and create strife, which they then feed off of, and which deflects the spotlight of responsibility from them.
Julia writes, “Because crazymakers thrive on energy (your energy), they set people against one another in order to maintain their own power position dead center. (That’s where they can feed most directly on the negative energies they stir up).
“’So-and-so was telling me you didn’t get to work on time today,’ a crazymaker may relay. You obligingly get mad at so-and-so, and miss the fact that the crazymaker has used hearsay to set you off kilter emotionally.”
Can you think of recent episodes where this has happened to you? This tactic is also closely associated with another crazymaker technique, namely..
Crazymakers are expert blamers. Nothing that goes wrong is ever their fault, and to hear them tell it, the fault is usually yours. They are perpetual victims of circumstance, conspiracies, evil-doers, and star-crossed fate. They are, they would have you believe, innocent bystanders to the disasters that trail behind them wherever they go. And speaking of disasters —
Crazymakers create dramas – but seldom where they belong. Since crazymakers are often themselves blocked creatives, they hate your attempts at being creative. “It makes them jealous,” Julia warns. “It makes them threatened. It makes them dramatic – at your expense. Devoted to their own agendas, crazymakers impose these agendas on others… whatever matters to you becomes trivialized into mere backdrop for the crazymaker’s personal plight. ‘Do you think he/she loves me’ they call you to ask, when you are trying to pass the bar exam or get your husband home from the hospital.’”
Crazymakers hate schedules – except their own. “In the hands of a crazymaker, time is a primary tool for abuse.” Just when we have finally carved out a block of time for ourselves, the crazymaker will suddenly, mysteriously have a crisis at precisely that moment, needing our energy and attention, immediately. Similarly,
Crazymakers hate order. “Chaos serves their purpose,” Julia explains. “When you begin to establish a place that serves you and your creativity, your crazymaker will abruptly invade that space with projects of his/her own. Last but not least…
Crazymakers deny that they are crazymakers. The minute you point out their sabotage, or broken promises, they will counter with a vicious attack. It is never their fault, they will respond. It is the fact that you are a lousy mother, sex partner, disorganized, no-talent, selfish.. well, take your pick of abuse.
Not pretty. So for the weekend, I leave you with this question to ponder. It is a tough one, but one that we must ask ourselves and be honest about, if we are going to really make changes:
Please continue to be extra gentle with yourself, realizing that this is one of the most challenging, painful parts of our recovery process, but one that we really must not shirk. Next week, we’ll talk about our answers to these questions, and we’ll start building some strategies to gently, powerfully heal the damage.