I am Hecate of the Ways, of the Cross-Ways, of the Darkness, of the Heaven and the Earth and the Sea; saffron-clad Goddess of the Grave, exulting among the spirits of the dead; Perseia, lover of loneliness; Queen who holdest the Keys of the world…
— from The Woman at the Cross-ways by Fiona Macleod (William Sharp)
We have been discussing the crazymakers in our lives that sabotage our efforts to express our creativity. I am so honored by the courageous posts you all have shared, and your thoughts about whether these horrible people are certifiably mentally ill or not. Certainly, they push us to the brink, don’t they?
I left you with a question last week: If crazymakers are so destructive, what are we doing involved with them in the first place?
Julia’s answer is, “To be brief, but brutal, we’re that crazy ourselves and that self-destructive.
“Really? Yes. As blocked creatives ourselves, we are willing to go to almost any lengths to remain blocked. As frightening and abusive as life with a crazymaker is, we find it far less threatening than the challenge of a creative life of our own…”
She goes on to declare that our fear is an excuse, and that we choose to stay stuck. “You are using your own abuser,” she flatly states. “Your crazymaker is a block you chose yourself, to deter you from your own trajectory. As much as you are being exploited by your crazymaker, you, too, are using that person to block your creative flow.”
This is where I part ways, a bit, with Julia. I think she is framing things too simplistically here. It may be the case for many people, and it deserves a good, long, soul-searching. But I don’t believe it is always true that we attract and stay involved with drama queens, toxic saboteurs, narcissistic crazies and so on just because we are trying to insulate ourselves from our creativity. Sometimes, there are other issues going on. And, for the short term, we may find we are stuck with them.
But their poisonous influence need not continue! Get help if you need to! Learn what codependence is. No matter how complicated it is, (and it is always complicated!) we do not have to give them our power. We cannot afford to continue to make excuses.
And ultimately, if we are going to make our creative expression the highest priority it deserves to be, we are going to have to come to a new awareness of just exactly what our role is, in having them in our lives. We must examine the truth of our toxic relationships. And finally, we will have to stop dancing to the tune of the people with whom, as she puts it, we are dancing a “tortured tango.”
It just so happens that today, of all days, we have powerful help facing these challenges. Today is the last day of the month, which is always sacred to the Triple Goddess, Hecate. She is the Queen of the Night, who protects the helpless, the lost ,and the marginalized. It is She who guards the crossroads. And we stand here today, do we not, at a crossroads. We can choose our freedom to fully express who we are; or we can continue to be thwarted by the dominating, selfish needs of others.
May Hecate’s love and strength empower you to free yourself from the thrall of the crazymakers you have (by design or not) drawn to you. May you be free to heal yourself and give birth in joy to your Artist Self.