On our journey to juiciness, we may discover parts that are not what we would wish for. But knowing and living in our own truth, no matter what, is the first step towards authenticity, which is really at the heart of being juicy. But what about those times on our journey when we just get stuck?
On her beautiful website, Robyn Posin shares some powerful discoveries. “So often along the journey of my unfolding, I’ve come to a place where I can actually see/recognize an old self-defeating pattern at the very moment that it’s playing through me. In that moment, I am fully aware that it’s leading me somewhere no longer acceptable to me. I am, nonetheless, totally unable to stop or change the behavior…
“Already in pain, I would now be flayed by the relentless litany of my inner-critic (the “hatchet-lady”). No matter how brutally I treated myself, I could never seem to move myself forward any faster. I would feel stuck. Furious with myself for knowing what needed to change and yet being unable to change it.”
What do you do when you get stuck? Do you push harder? Berate yourself with guilt and anger?
Like many girls, when I was about nine or ten, I went through a “horse stage.” I was crazy on the subject of horses, dreamed of having my own magical steed, and read every book ever written (it seemed) about horses. Do you remember those scenes in books (and films) like Black Beauty, where some cruel master was not being obeyed fast enough, and so he would whip the poor beautiful animal mercilessly? I remember sobbing for hours over those scenes.
And yet, I often am the brutal whipping master, who badgers, insults, attacks, and lashes out. Like a pony struggling in mud up to my fetlocks, I pull on the master’s cart, desperately trying to obey, yet unable to, for whatever reasons. I am frightened, angry, in pain, yet she beats on me, as if I am not trying hard enough.
Robyn wisely notes, “As I’ve worked with myself and with others over the years, I’ve watched this cycle endlessly recur along the way of everyone’s journey. As I’ve worked and watched, I’ve learned to hold such moments more spaciously. To hold myself and others caught in such moments with more gentle generosity. These ‘feeling stuck’ places actually are times of growing and transitioning. Even though the growth and the transitioning may seem invisible to us or to any outside observer.“
Today is the last day of the month, sacred to the Goddess Hecate, who stands at the crossroads. Perhaps you are at a crossroads where you are unsure where to go. Perhaps your hesitation is feeling like failure, weakness, or not living up to your potential.
With the blessing of Hecate, know that sometimes, just to stand quietly at the crossroads is enough. You are enough, just exactly as you are right this minute. Be with Her today, and hold spaciously the moments of choices and change. You can linger as long as you need to.
Here is your permission slip to simply be who you are right now, in your process, without making strides or progress necessarily. Just breathe into what feels stuck, and allow it to be a luminous moment of doing nothing but being present.
Just you and the Goddess of the Crossroads.