Inspiring Enchantment & Illumination with Tarot & Intuitive Guidance

The Mouth of Qi

An open door invites callers.
~ Turkish proverb

One of the most frequent questions I am asked in my Tarot readings, is “When (or if) I will ever find my soul mate/true love/a happy marriage?” And the best answer for that, which the cards are so wonderful for helping people focus on, is – what do you offer such a person?

I’ve been writing about how we can affect the energy in our “outer” lives by what the energy in our homes is like. Because whether we intend it or not, our homes are an energetic mirror of who we are, and like attracts like. This is the basic idea in feng shui, the Chinese art of placement, as well as countless other wisdom practices.

So it would be wise to ponder what sort of message your home is sending to the Universe regarding your readiness for a lover in your life. A cramped, heavily perfumed apartment with wall-to-wall fragile porcelain dolls and chintz covering every surface may be fun and girly for you, but not so comfortable for most guys to stretch out in and feel relaxed.

The bachelor pad covered in cheap posters, broken thrift store furniture, and floors cluttered with electronic gear and sports equipment may be fine if you’re fresh out of college and in your first apartment. But what kind of statement does this make about who you are, as an adult who is ready for a serious connection with someone special?

According to feng shui, the three places in your home that have the strongest impact on your love life are your bedroom, the “Relationship Area,” and the space around your front door.

The “Relationship Area” is determined based on which school of feng shui you are working with, and a number of other very personalized factors. So for now, I will simply say that if you would like to get a personal reading, in which a practitioner will develop your own individual ba-gua (a kind of feng shui grid for your home), there are many terrific feng shui experts available in most larger towns and cities. And there are also a number of very helpful books on the market that can walk you through the process on more general terms.

Instead, let’s focus first on the front entrance and later, if you’d like, we’ll talk about the bedroom. (The same principles will apply for the Relationship Area, once you have determined where that is in your case).

The main entrance to your home is called “the Mouth of Qi” in feng shui, because it has the strongest influence on how energy flows into your home. You can’t nourish your body without opening your mouth to eat. Similarly, your home can’t receive fresh, vital Qi if the front door is blocked with clutter or is rarely used. This will impact, not only your love life, but all the fortunes and energy for your home, and thus, your life.

So take a long, honest look at your front door. When was the last time you used it? Is there clutter in the way? Peeling paint, or old dead plants sitting on the porch? Does it even open all the way?

The front door is associated with opportunities. If you’ve been trying to meet someone new without success, getting rid of the junk around the front door and using that entry more often are good ways to shift that stuck energy. You may find that opportunities to connect with someone new begin to come to your attention more often, and that you are more likely to take advantage of them instead of feeling so tired you’d rather stay home.

Or if you are already in a relationship, that cluttered front entry can be contributing to feelings of boredom and being stuck in a rut with each other.  Opening the front door more widely and frequently is a good way to breathe new life into a less-than-exciting romantic connection.

Any door in your house that opens into a wall, instead of into free space will impede the energy flow. People in this situation often feel very stuck and as if they are constantly running into obstacles. If you can’t change how or where your doors open, a mirror can be placed on the wall opposite the door, so as to bring energy in. And do be sure to move any plants or tables that are behind your door out of the way, so that it can open wide, and is not constantly bumping into things. For this reflects how you open to and embrace life.

Also, if the entry to your house is somehow confusing, and people never know which door to use, this can create some chaotic, confusing energy in your relationships, as well. You may find yourself involved with people who are fickle, or noncommittal.

Want more?  If so, I’ll offer some more suggestions for how shifting the energy in your home can shift the energy in your life.  Let me know!

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  • March 5, 2010, 10:39 am Arie

    Thank you Beth,
    My passion fruit branches are covering the upper quarter of my front door. I arranged it that way to cover the entry from rain. I’ll take care of it tomorrow morning.
    I’ve also just removed some empty plastic juice containers from my front door sides.
    This Feng Shui is proving to be very useful.
    Wonderful subject to work.
    Arie

  • March 5, 2010, 11:43 am Regina

    More please! 🙂
    (And this reminds me that I have to wash down my front door after all the snow and mud and rock salt of winter. )

  • March 5, 2010, 3:57 pm Maria

    My apartment is fairly girly (although not nearly as girly as what you described). Even though I’m single, I don’t know how willing I am to change that right now. I feel like my apartment reflects me and my interests and what makes me happy. And I need to be happy today, not putting all my eggs in a basket labeled Once Mr. Wonderful Shows Up. If he does, and things progress, I don’t expect to put my Hello Kitty pillows on OUR bed; in the meantime, I don’t know if I want to date a guy who objects to me having them on mine. 🙂

  • March 5, 2010, 6:46 pm Thalia

    No kidding, Maria, it sounds like a pretty good way to weed out the insecure jerks, who I would not want to be involved with in the first place. Come on, Beth–like we women don’t do enough catering to men and their needs as it is. My hypothetical ‘girly’ apartment would be mine, not his, and I would expect him to understand that. If it makes him ‘uncomfortable’, well then, I’ve just learned a lot about his attitudes towards women, and it would probably be a good idea to show him the door.

  • March 5, 2010, 7:07 pm Lynn

    Hello Beth,
    I just happened upon your blog a couple of days back, and I’ve got to tell you, this feng shui info is exactly what I need! So keep it coming, please!!! I SO want to become unstuck.

  • March 6, 2010, 8:27 am Beth

    Yikes! Please don’t misunderstand.. I don’t at all propose that we should cramp our style waiting for Mr. Right! Much less that we would want some kind of guy who freaks out over girly things.

    BUT. Feng shui is all about balance. If you are seeking a male partner to come into your life, and if all the energy in your place is heavily, heavily female, you might want to reconsider.

    Where is there room for balance? Where is there room for the masculine to feel welcomed, understood and comfortable, if that is actually what you seek?

    By the way.. welcome to the new folks who are finding me, and thank you to everyone who is interested in this! I love this subject, too, so stay tuned for more, then!

  • March 6, 2010, 11:52 am Madeline

    LOVE this post. Just made a brand new summer wreath for my front door and cleaned up the shrubs, fairy statues, frogs and potted plants.. it is so inviting I know a few new friends are right around the corner..

    Re “girly” apartments : We have a set of friends, the woman has decorated their home in all feminine fabrics, statues, kitchen clutter, pillows, and colors.. there are no artifacts of the male energy that also resides there! .. ..she and her husband do not get along..it is so obvious when you walk into their home that she wants to be alone there–without a man..

    You’re right Beth,BALANCE in the key– and the way we fluff our nest DOES SPEAK A THOUSAND WORDS!

    Feng Shui is always a very interesting topic–

  • March 6, 2010, 3:11 pm Thalia

    Funny how ‘balance’ always seems to work in one direction. Would you advise a man who had an excessively ‘masculine’ apartment to put out some ‘feminine’ things to welcome the female energy into his life? I’m guessing that would not be the first thing to occur to you, no.

    There are an awful lot of assumptions underneath your example, Beth. I mean it’s not as if the masculine doesn’t have the whole entire world in which to feel ‘welcomed, understood, and comfortable.’

  • March 6, 2010, 3:19 pm Beth

    Would you advise a man who had an excessively ‘masculine’ apartment to put out some ‘feminine’ things to welcome the female energy into his life? I’m guessing that would not be the first thing to occur to you, no.

    Wow! Thalia; that is exactly what am saying here:
    The bachelor pad covered in cheap posters, broken thrift store furniture, and floors cluttered with electronic gear and sports equipment may be fine if you’re fresh out of college and in your first apartment. But what kind of statement does this make about who you are, as an adult who is ready for a serious connection with someone special?

    Obviously this is hitting some buttons for folks. Balance means balance: men who want women in their lives (according to feng shui) need to make room for balance and welcoming and respecting the feminine just as surely as the converse is also true.

    And — I am also attempting here to be mindful that women don’t always want to attract men, and men don’t always equate loving relationships with women.

  • March 6, 2010, 5:28 pm Thalia

    Well, no, that’s the thing; at the root of it I don’t think the two examples are parallel. The assumptions beneath them are different.

    In the bachelor pad example it’s about broadcasting that the bachelor (I am assuming you meant male) is immature, not financially stable, and unwilling to commit. The ‘girly’ apartment example is about someone putting out energy that she (I assume she) is unwilling to change herself to accommodate the tastes of others. Those are not the same thing, and only break down to a lack of ‘gender energy’ balance in the ‘girly’ example. Do you see?

    The first, while stereotypically a guy thing (and I know you were painting with a broad brush here, because they are probably just off-the-top-of-your-head examples) is still decent commonsense advice for everyone: grow up, shape up; if you want to attract a stable relationship, be stable, and let your environment reflect that stability (or the other way around, i.e. fake it till you make it, which is basically what feng shui is about, if I understand it). Okay. But the girly apartment example is specifically telling her that it is not okay to be *that* feminine, if she wishes to find a relationship. That it is not okay to be herself and decorate her own apartment to her own tastes. That she will need to accommodate other’s tastes. Which is what women are always, always, always, told: that we are to be accommodating, that no place is strictly our own, that we must always compromise, even in our own homes.

    ‘Balance means balance’ certainly *sounds* fair and fine; but it’s more complicated than that. You can each climb three steps up identical ladders, but if one of them is placed in a hole, who ends up higher?

    This is a male-dominated world; men have the lion’s share of the power, men’s voices are privileged, men are the assumed default human, &c. Women move around in that world. Having a very ‘girly’ apartment may very well be a way of attaining some kind of overall balance, in that it is an antidote to the world outside. So then telling a woman she needs to ‘balance’ that with some masculine energy if she wants a relationship is not actually balance. Do you see what I’m saying?

  • March 7, 2010, 7:39 am Beth

    I do see what you are saying, Thalia. However, I think you are bringing up stuff that is way beyond this discussion of feng shui, which I had meant to be light-hearted and which would probably be considered simplistic by any professional feng shui practitioner, which I am not.

    I am sorry that my examples were not clear that I absolutely meant the same thing: that a man seeking female companionship should have an apartment with a more nurturing, beautiful, receptive-to-the-feminine aspect, if women are going to feel welcomed there.

    In other words, both men and women who are looking for a relationship with the opposite sex should (according to feng shui) create a home environment that accommodates and honors qualities that the other sex would value. (What those might be, I suppose, could be a whole other can of worms!)

    If a woman wants to have a super feminine apartment as a kind of energetic working to balance the imbalance in the wider world, fine.

    But feng shui would say that doing so will make it difficult for her if she simultaneously is trying to send out a vibe that she is receptive to a relationship with a man.

    Feng shui, at least to my admittedly limited knowledge, does not deal with redressing cultural imbalances of power between the sexes.

  • March 7, 2010, 9:06 am Arie

    I think there is more to it than a female/male home.
    Regardless of gender I believe that a home decoration will reflect one’s inner imbalances. The art of Feng Chi can help one in aligning herself/himself.
    Outer changes bringing to inner changes, like a spiritual path inner changes, will reflect outwards.
    It may well be that one’s inner lack of, or too much of, one or more of the elements (Earth, Fire, Water, Metal and Wood) will be refected outwards in the home decoration, and also in her/his health status. A chinese medical doctor can predict the imbalances by taking one’s pulse and then treat them with acupuncture and herbs.
    Arie

  • March 7, 2010, 11:01 am Beth

    I think there is more to it than a female/male home.

    Good golly yes, absolutely!

    Thanks Arie, and to everyone.

  • March 7, 2010, 2:31 pm Thalia

    I get that, Beth. I guess what I’m saying is that you (we) can’t ever step outside the larger cultural context; and so, though I’m sure you didn’t intend it, your example sounded sexist, because it neatly paralleled a typical sexist trope of the culture (that women are to be accommodating to others’ needs first, over their own).

  • March 8, 2010, 11:38 am Maria

    Wow, I opened up a can of worms, didn’t I? I guess it hit a sore spot with me because I feel like my home is my sanctuary from all the daily judgments of others. And I’ve spent too many years worrying about what everyone else thinks (even people I don’t really like or respect – how crazy is that?).

    But I think I see what you mean. Having so many fragile objects that a guy would be afraid to move would also make it unwelcoming for my nieces and nephews. A claustrophobic environment would keep friends from visiting – I know my sister’s apartment is so messy I avoid it at all costs. I think I took too narrow a view before – we want our homes to strike a balance between making us happy and being welcoming to WHOEVER we may choose to invite. 🙂